As I type this in my head (still at work, far from home where I can put it onto paper), really bad things are going on in Paris. Explosions. Hostage situations. Shootings. It appears to be a massive terrorist attack, with many dead. Which means, according to the teachings of Jesus, that it’s time to search for a way of peace and love to help the victims of the attack.
According to the teachings of Jesus? That dark-complected socialist Jew? We’re *Americans*! We don’t listen to no dusky Jew-boy about how to do things! Which means it’s time to start looking for someone to blame.
You can blame the terrorists, sure. But what’s the fun of that? I mean, by the time we all read this, the day after all the fireworks, all the terrorists directly involved will either be dead or will be in jail cells they will never leave for the rest of their lives. And the terrorists who played supporting roles won’t be around for long afterwards either, one thing our modern security state is very good at is finding people after the fact once we know who their contacts are. We have whole government departments that do nothing but suck up data and store it in order to find those connections.
So yeah, we can blame the terrorists, but BORE-ing! Let’s do something more exciting. Let’s blame an entire RELIGION! One with 1.5 billion followers! I mean, c’mon. Halliburton and Lockheed and General Dynamics and Boeing need to make some money blowing shit up for Uncle Dollar, so we need more targets than a few thousand Middle East goat herders with dreams of caliphates, we need 1.5 BILLION targets! Then we’ll *never* run out of people to blow up!
And, just to top it off, we’re AMERICANS, so the next thing we gotta do is blame the victim. Young woman got raped? She shouldn’t have worn that short skirt, shouldn’t have been young and slender (get thee to an all-you-can-eat buffet, young lady!), shouldn’t have been walking her dog in the park at 4pm in the afternoon, it’s all her fault. Oh sure, this is, like, making her feel like shit because she already got raped once and now people are dumping on her *again*, but hey, we’re AMERICANS, it’s our JOB to be motherfucking assholes who make people feel bad!
And look, those Frenchies getting blown up or bombed? It’s their own damned fault for taking in all those Muslim immigrants! Except, uhm, they haven’t taken any in since the early 60’s when they and their Muslim supporters got run out of Algeria, but hey, let’s not mess up a good victim-blaming rant with facts. And it’s their fault for being so friendly to Muslims! Except, well, they’re not — France is resolutely secular, and dislikes any public display of religion, Muslims who adopt the outward dress and garb of Middle Eastern Muslims generally aren’t well regarded or accepted in polite company in France. So maybe they should have been *more* friendly to the Muslims? No no, we’re AMERICANS, we know that being friendly to Muslims is wrong, so let me go figure out what I should think about that. Oh wait, I know, I know, it’s their fault for not going around with six-guns strapped on their hips like us good gun-totin’ Amurricans! Nevermind that the number of terrorists stopped by civilian Americans with six guns strapped on their hips stands at, well, *zero*, we gotta blame the victims ’cause we’re AMERICANS, goddammit, and we gotta make sure to spread misery throughout the world and make people feel bad who are already hurting because, well, BECAUSE WE CAN!
Victim blaming. Fuck yeah! USA! USA! USA! Why let the terrorists be the only ones who make the French feel bad? We’re America, goddamn it, we can’t let the terrorists do that shit better than we do!
— Badtux the Snarky Penguin
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