It was a dark and stormy night in Gotham City. Jake Jones had come up with the perfect bank robbery — he cut through the roof of the bank then through the top of the vault using a cutting torch, and had filled up a backpack with money. Now he was climbing back out using the rope ladder he’d used to climb down.
Just as he was back on the roof again, he heard a noise. Some clown in a black rubber Halloween costume wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants had just thumped down on the roof about 10 yards away.
“Who the fuck are you?” Jake said.
“I’m Batman”, the figure said in a voice that sounded like he’d been gargling glass.
“Okay, that’s batty enough,” Jake said. “So what’s some clown with a sore throat wearing a Halloween costume doing loitering on rooftops?”
“You are going down, evildoer.”
“Well yeah,” Jake said, pulling up the ladder. He pulled it over to the side of the bank and tossed it over, letting the hooks catch on the wall at the edge of the roof. “So what else is new?”
“You’re coming with me,” the man in the Halloween costume said.
“Yeah, no,” Jake said, and headed down his ladder.
The weirdo in the costume hooked his own rope to the wall and soared down it as Jake walked a few feet to his car and tossed the backpack into the back seat. Jake got in and locked the door, started the engine, and then the clown smacked the passenger side window with his fist. He looked pissed. Then he looked like he was in pain as the window didn’t budge. It turns out that car windows are tougher than in the movies, and all that happens if you punch one is that you get a sore fist.
“What the fuck is the matter with you, man?” Jake yelled as he put the car in reverse and started driving away. The lunatic in the rubber suit jumped in front of Jake’s car, hands outstretched as if he was going to stop the car by physical force. Jake hit the gas and the idiot bounced off the front of the car, coming to rest in a parking space.
“IDIOT!” Jake yelled out the window. Then he roared away. The moron in the rubber suit just sprawled on the parking lot looking dead. Jake shrugged.
It was Gotham City, after all, and lunatics were nothing new. It wasn’t the first time some loon had jumped out in front of his car and ended up taco’ed. Mostly nobody cared anymore, because people were tired of all the crazies crapping on the sidewalks and shooting up everywhere. And whoever the dude in the rubber suit was, that had to be some special kinda crazy indeed.
Sounds like a tRumpâs boy friend redneck dumbass story to me.
Dave Reasons
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Glad to have you back. More, please.
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I love this story.
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