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Archive for the ‘irreverent silliness’ Category

Jesus died for our sins, but he didn’t stay dead.

So, uhm, Jesus had a three day weekend rest for our sins?

If you die but you come back, it’s not at all the same as dying *for real*, after all.

I guess it all reads better as metaphor anyhow. Who cares whether there was an actual historical dude named “Jesus”, in the end. Even if he was an inspired work of fiction, things would be a whole lot better if folks followed the teachings ascribed to him. Alas, most people who claim to be Christian only give lip service to the teachings.

— Badtux the Irreverent Penguin

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That’s the best explanation for why Melania Trump has not been seen in public for over 20 days :).

– Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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I had someone mention “Agenda 21” today as part of some conspiracy theory. And that was pretty much my response: “Agenda 21? Is that similar to Area 51? Or Pier 1?”

He then replied: “I’m sorry, I can’t help you.”

And of course I immediately responded:

That’s okay. My tin foil hat fits closely, so I’m sure the mind control rays being beamed through the chemtrails aren’t affecting my body full of toxins like dihydrogen monoxide (which is *deadly*, thousands of people per year die from inhaling the stuff!).

Though I think what finally does me in will most likely be my cat. I swear he’s trying to kill me. Every time I try to go somewhere in my house, he’s underfoot trying to trip me….

Hey, do you think my cat could be a Russian agent?

Thus far no response.

Heh.

– Badtux the Poking-conspiracy-theorists Penguin

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Zombie Jesus died for your sins… and has come back for your braiiins!

As usual, I forgot today was Easter, and went out to buy some Chipotle for lunch. They were closed, so I went next door to the Habit Burger instead.

— Badtux the Hellbound Penguin
(Hey, Hell, Michigan, has *perfect* weather for a penguin right now!)

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Being a member of a secret society devoted to uncovering and publicizing the corruption of a certain corrupt politician isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. First of all, there’s the Fight Club rules — rule #1 of secret conspiracies is *don’t advertise that you’re part of a secret conspiracy*. Then there’s the code names that we have to all go by. I can never remember mine. Is it Xray Charley Zebra or is is Zebra Charley Xray? Then there’s the insane cackling. I’m no good at insane cackling. I practice in front of a mirror, but all I can manage is a demented chortle.

Then there’s the wages. Everybody’s always talking about Soros checks, but where’s mine? Sheesh! Talk about slave labor!

But I guess in these times, being part of a secret society is just one of the dues you pay for being a good citizen. After all, 3 million Americans (or more) are part of this secret society….

— Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Him: “Their religion outlaws all mind-altering substances. Alcohol, caffeine, marijuana, bacon…”

Me: “Wait, bacon? Since when is bacon a mind-altering substance?”

Him: “Always!”

— Badtux the Laughing Penguin

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Sounds like good company anyhow. Rebellious women? Sounds fun. Lewd women? Okay, I can deal. Atheists? Well, never knew an atheist who beheaded someone in the name of their god or declared crusade/jihad. Homosexuals? Well, at least Hell will be well decorated and well landscaped. So yeah, I’d be packing my bags. Except for the Mormons. Gotta think about that one.

— Badtux the Easily Amused Penguin

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