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Archive for the ‘irreverent silliness’ Category

I had someone mention “Agenda 21” today as part of some conspiracy theory. And that was pretty much my response: “Agenda 21? Is that similar to Area 51? Or Pier 1?”

He then replied: “I’m sorry, I can’t help you.”

And of course I immediately responded:

That’s okay. My tin foil hat fits closely, so I’m sure the mind control rays being beamed through the chemtrails aren’t affecting my body full of toxins like dihydrogen monoxide (which is *deadly*, thousands of people per year die from inhaling the stuff!).

Though I think what finally does me in will most likely be my cat. I swear he’s trying to kill me. Every time I try to go somewhere in my house, he’s underfoot trying to trip me….

Hey, do you think my cat could be a Russian agent?

Thus far no response.

Heh.

– Badtux the Poking-conspiracy-theorists Penguin

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Zombie Jesus died for your sins… and has come back for your braiiins!

As usual, I forgot today was Easter, and went out to buy some Chipotle for lunch. They were closed, so I went next door to the Habit Burger instead.

— Badtux the Hellbound Penguin
(Hey, Hell, Michigan, has *perfect* weather for a penguin right now!)

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Being a member of a secret society devoted to uncovering and publicizing the corruption of a certain corrupt politician isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. First of all, there’s the Fight Club rules — rule #1 of secret conspiracies is *don’t advertise that you’re part of a secret conspiracy*. Then there’s the code names that we have to all go by. I can never remember mine. Is it Xray Charley Zebra or is is Zebra Charley Xray? Then there’s the insane cackling. I’m no good at insane cackling. I practice in front of a mirror, but all I can manage is a demented chortle.

Then there’s the wages. Everybody’s always talking about Soros checks, but where’s mine? Sheesh! Talk about slave labor!

But I guess in these times, being part of a secret society is just one of the dues you pay for being a good citizen. After all, 3 million Americans (or more) are part of this secret society….

— Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Him: “Their religion outlaws all mind-altering substances. Alcohol, caffeine, marijuana, bacon…”

Me: “Wait, bacon? Since when is bacon a mind-altering substance?”

Him: “Always!”

— Badtux the Laughing Penguin

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Sounds like good company anyhow. Rebellious women? Sounds fun. Lewd women? Okay, I can deal. Atheists? Well, never knew an atheist who beheaded someone in the name of their god or declared crusade/jihad. Homosexuals? Well, at least Hell will be well decorated and well landscaped. So yeah, I’d be packing my bags. Except for the Mormons. Gotta think about that one.

— Badtux the Easily Amused Penguin

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— Badtux the Festive Penguin

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…. a cat, to save this world from sin.

– Badtux the Cat-owned Penguin

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