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Archive for the ‘Cheeto Mussolini’ Category

What a sexy stud of a man!

Oh wait, no, that was Steve Bannon. Who got fired today, probably because of the gonzo interview he gave to American Prospect, which was a blatant violation of message discipline. My guess is that General Kelly used this as his ammunition to finally shitcan the asswipe. It’s been well known that General Kelly was no fan of Bannon (and vice vice versa). But you can’t just fire one of Cheeto Mussolini’s friends without having some hefty ammo to bring to the battle… and Bannon gave Kelly a fucking dumptruck of ammo.

So now Steve’s shitcanned. Which, given that a) he was probably the smartest dude in the Trump White House, and b) he is totally devoid of any redeeming moral or ethical values, probably is a good thing for America. Evil smart people ought to be kept as far away from the levers of power as possible. Trump’s loss is our gain.

But never fear, Steve always has his good looks to fall back upon! What a genetically superior specimen he is!

Or, plan B, he can go back to work for Breitbart.com again. Gosh, supermodel or Breitbart.com? I wonder which one it will be? 🙂

– Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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You’re fired, Scaramucci!.

Scaramucci is *this* week’s reality show loser, as he gets the “Your Fired!” heave-ho on “Presidential Apprentice”. I’d be ROFL if it wasn’t such a sad commentary on the state of our federal government right now.

Ten days. He lasted ten … whole … days.

Somehow, I doubt he’s going to put that job on his resume! “Communications director? Oh no, I just took a couple weeks vacation, hung out on the Jersey shore, I was nowhere near Washington D.C. for those two weeks!” Heh.

— Badtux the Sadly Laughing Penguin

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“Is it possible that there was a civilization on Mars thousands of years ago?”

That’s a Republican congressman on the oversight committee for NASA, Rep. Dana Rohrabacher (R-Ca). There was stunned silence from the NASA spokesperson of which this question was asked.

Then there’s the Department of Agriculture’s new chief scientist, who is a talk show host with no scientific degrees and no college-level science courses. And the EPA’s new head of chemical safety is a DuPont shill who spent the last twenty years as an expert-for-hire claiming that Dupont’s toxic waste wasn’t bad for the people who were imbibing it.

And of course, Trump’s new Communications Director, Scaramucci (Scaramucci will you do the fandango?) who is oh so very very frightening. At least to his staff. He threatened to fire every single one of them. Because he’s just a poor boy from a poor family so mamma mia let them go (because they leaked, doh).

Maybe he’s the right man for Donald “You’re fired!” Trump after all. Though he has walked it back for now Huh.

And over at the Department of Justice, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions is starting to look like the lamest of lame ducks. He recused himself on all that Russia stuff for lying under oath about his own Russia contacts to Congress, which has pissed off Trump greatly, because Trump wants all that Russia stuff to go away, already.

And over at the Department of State, Secretary of State Rex Tillerson is pissed at Trump for making the Secretary of State’s job basically a living nightmare with Trump’s tweets that set a new policy for the US every fifteen minutes without giving Tillerson a chance to add his own input and without giving Tillerson the least bit of heads-up so he can rally his troops behind the new policy. Tillerson is talking about quitting maybe as early as August. Because he ran Exxon. He’s fucking goddamn rich as fuck. He doesn’t need some fucking orange Mussolini wanna-be making his life misery.

Yeah, things are just going swimmingly….

– Badtux the “We are so, so fucked” Penguin

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White House communications director Sean Spicer has resigned. It’s been clear for a couple of months now that Spicey had lost Cheeto Mussolini’s confidence. Surrogates including Sarah Huckabee Sanders increasingly took his place briefing the press about the news of the day. But we’ll miss him — his briefings from the bushes, his angry brow-beating of reporters, his inept and clumsy attempts at lies that were so ridiculous on their face that people could just guffaw…

Spicey is an old school kinda dude, rough and hot-headed. You could tell he wasn’t a sociopathic lizard person. He was just an angry old white man doing what angry old white men do. He is undoubtedly going to retire to the suburbs and commence a career of yelling at those darn kids to keep off his grass. His replacement on the other hand, hedge-fund manager Anthony Scaramucci, is a total slicked-back sociopathic lizard person. He oozes sincerity like a kiddie diddler offering a lollipop to a child. He made his bones ripping off old people, slickly convincing them to invest in his poorly-performing hedge fund that, however, paid him big bucks anyhow for his role in leading it. And now he’s going to be doing the same for the Trump administration.

Yeah, I’m gonna miss ole’ Spicey…

– Badtux the Goodbyes Penguin

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Please stop talking about him. Please. Nobody cares.

As for that other ball player dude who did something with some team, I’m sorry, I just can’t get interested in what some supposed adult dude playing a children’s game is doing with what team where and when. What, you want me to care about some grown dude playing zoom zoom with a toy dump truck too?

Err…

Nevermind.

WASF.

– Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Fun movie, BTW. Well written. A lot of these superhero movies are really clunky, basically just an excuse for lots of fights and stuff. Okay, so there’s two terrific fight scenes that are so ridiculously over the top that they work on multiple levels, and the movie is self-aware to make fun of that on camera. And the writing… man, this thing was scripted tight. There’s a cab driver at the start of the movie. He appears again at the end of the movie. Not just a random plot point… there’s a reason.

Okay, enough of that. What about today’s news? Well, we found out that Trump’s $100M exercise in flexing his blubber managed to destroy five Syrian jets that were being repaired, and a few aircraft shelters and hangars. They were flying missions out of that airfield again today. That’s how effective it was. And the diplomatic effort? Who knows. Meanwhile, the nuclear option was invoked and we have a new Supreme Court judge, Justice It’s Not Illegal If The Executive Does It, who was appointed basically as a get-out-of-jail-free card for the President. Yay. And a second carrier task force is now cruising towards North Korea — remember, we already have a forward-deployed carrier task force in Japan that’s basically within striking range.

Basically, the only thing that would save the world right now would be if Mike Pence were indicted for something, forced to resign, replaced by someone sane, and then Donald Trump were impeached somehow and resigned and put that sane person in charge. Yeah, not happening. Fuck it. I’m watching Deadpool.

– Badtux the Eye-rolling Penguin

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The government wants to know who this critic really is. Twitter says “nuh-uhn, you have no legal right to ask for that”. The ACLU agrees, and is filing their own lawsuit.

In other news, Real President Bannon stepped down from the National Security Council and was replaced by the World’s Dumbest Hairball, Rick Perry. Now, Rick Perry is in charge of the nukes, so I guess he has a reason to be on the NSC, technically. From a practical point of view, though, all that he will do is lower the collective IQ of the room. Governor Goodhair was a rubber stamp for the legislature when he was governor of Texas, because he had no ideas or clues of his own. But he had good hair. Maybe they’ll make a topiary out of it in the NSC meeting hall just to pass the time…

Thought for the day: Fox News has done to millennials’ grandparents what their grandparents thought violent video games would do to millennials.

Finally: The Bureau of Land Management website used to have lots of pictures of people doing outdoors recreation. Now the header picture, which used to be a family enjoying outdoors hiking in a BLM park, is now a giant pile of coal. Apparently this is the new Trump Administration tourism push — “come see our giant piles of coal! The real America!”. Of the first five photos on the web site, four of them relate to mining or ranching. The fifth has some people in a boat fishing. Apparently the new meaning of the term “BLM” is “Bureau of Livestock and Mining”. And fishing and hunting, apparently. That hiking and backpacking and stuff. Nope. Nopity nope.

Alrighty, then!

– Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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