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Archive for the ‘Cheeto Mussolini’ Category

White House communications director Sean Spicer has resigned. It’s been clear for a couple of months now that Spicey had lost Cheeto Mussolini’s confidence. Surrogates including Sarah Huckabee Sanders increasingly took his place briefing the press about the news of the day. But we’ll miss him — his briefings from the bushes, his angry brow-beating of reporters, his inept and clumsy attempts at lies that were so ridiculous on their face that people could just guffaw…

Spicey is an old school kinda dude, rough and hot-headed. You could tell he wasn’t a sociopathic lizard person. He was just an angry old white man doing what angry old white men do. He is undoubtedly going to retire to the suburbs and commence a career of yelling at those darn kids to keep off his grass. His replacement on the other hand, hedge-fund manager Anthony Scaramucci, is a total slicked-back sociopathic lizard person. He oozes sincerity like a kiddie diddler offering a lollipop to a child. He made his bones ripping off old people, slickly convincing them to invest in his poorly-performing hedge fund that, however, paid him big bucks anyhow for his role in leading it. And now he’s going to be doing the same for the Trump administration.

Yeah, I’m gonna miss ole’ Spicey…

– Badtux the Goodbyes Penguin

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Please stop talking about him. Please. Nobody cares.

As for that other ball player dude who did something with some team, I’m sorry, I just can’t get interested in what some supposed adult dude playing a children’s game is doing with what team where and when. What, you want me to care about some grown dude playing zoom zoom with a toy dump truck too?

Err…

Nevermind.

WASF.

– Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Fun movie, BTW. Well written. A lot of these superhero movies are really clunky, basically just an excuse for lots of fights and stuff. Okay, so there’s two terrific fight scenes that are so ridiculously over the top that they work on multiple levels, and the movie is self-aware to make fun of that on camera. And the writing… man, this thing was scripted tight. There’s a cab driver at the start of the movie. He appears again at the end of the movie. Not just a random plot point… there’s a reason.

Okay, enough of that. What about today’s news? Well, we found out that Trump’s $100M exercise in flexing his blubber managed to destroy five Syrian jets that were being repaired, and a few aircraft shelters and hangars. They were flying missions out of that airfield again today. That’s how effective it was. And the diplomatic effort? Who knows. Meanwhile, the nuclear option was invoked and we have a new Supreme Court judge, Justice It’s Not Illegal If The Executive Does It, who was appointed basically as a get-out-of-jail-free card for the President. Yay. And a second carrier task force is now cruising towards North Korea — remember, we already have a forward-deployed carrier task force in Japan that’s basically within striking range.

Basically, the only thing that would save the world right now would be if Mike Pence were indicted for something, forced to resign, replaced by someone sane, and then Donald Trump were impeached somehow and resigned and put that sane person in charge. Yeah, not happening. Fuck it. I’m watching Deadpool.

– Badtux the Eye-rolling Penguin

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The government wants to know who this critic really is. Twitter says “nuh-uhn, you have no legal right to ask for that”. The ACLU agrees, and is filing their own lawsuit.

In other news, Real President Bannon stepped down from the National Security Council and was replaced by the World’s Dumbest Hairball, Rick Perry. Now, Rick Perry is in charge of the nukes, so I guess he has a reason to be on the NSC, technically. From a practical point of view, though, all that he will do is lower the collective IQ of the room. Governor Goodhair was a rubber stamp for the legislature when he was governor of Texas, because he had no ideas or clues of his own. But he had good hair. Maybe they’ll make a topiary out of it in the NSC meeting hall just to pass the time…

Thought for the day: Fox News has done to millennials’ grandparents what their grandparents thought violent video games would do to millennials.

Finally: The Bureau of Land Management website used to have lots of pictures of people doing outdoors recreation. Now the header picture, which used to be a family enjoying outdoors hiking in a BLM park, is now a giant pile of coal. Apparently this is the new Trump Administration tourism push — “come see our giant piles of coal! The real America!”. Of the first five photos on the web site, four of them relate to mining or ranching. The fifth has some people in a boat fishing. Apparently the new meaning of the term “BLM” is “Bureau of Livestock and Mining”. And fishing and hunting, apparently. That hiking and backpacking and stuff. Nope. Nopity nope.

Alrighty, then!

– Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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World Nut Daily, which introduced the false claim that Obama’s birth certificate was a fake, claims that liberal witches are casting spells against Donald Trump by, amongst other things, sticking pins into carrots. Which doesn’t seem to be working. Maybe we need to stick pins into Cheetos instead?

No, I’m not joking about these people believing in witchcraft. These people are demented. I am just completely bogwumped by the notion that anybody in this day and time believes in real actual witchcraft… ooh, and demons. Can’t forget the demons, which liberals are apparently literally throwing at Trump. Best comment at that link: “Well the demons aren’t doing much bloody good, and I’m getting exhausted painting pentangles and rectangles or whatever the hell to summon them up. We obviously need better bloody demons.”

To which one of my friends replied on my Facebook page, “sweetie, they believe in a magical invisible being to whom they pray to and who NEVER FUCKING ANSWERS. Of course they believe in witchcraft and demons.”

Gah, the stupid, it burns, it burns!

– Badtux the Bogwumped Penguin

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An annual African trade summit in California had no African attendees this year after at least 60 people were denied visas, according to event leaders.

Trade shows, conventions, and other events with international participation are about to move outside the US because nobody from outside the US can get a visa to attend them anymore. Yay, this is going to do our convention business *so* much good…

Way to be pro-business, Cheeto Mussolini!

– Badtux the Perplexed Penguin

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Every morning, I open up my web browser wondering if today is going to be the day I don’t say “What the fuck?” about something that His Fraudulency Donald the Trump or one of his lizard people officials said or did. Today, once again, was not that day. Because a) the Orange Racist Pussy Grabber released his proposed budget for next year, a budget that predominantly eliminates programs that help Trump voters such as Meals for Wheels and the Appalachian Regional Commission (and what kind of heartless sociopath could ever advocate zeroing out the budget for Meals for Wheels and Sesame Street, for crying out loud!), but he also proposed spending $4.1 billion on his wall next year. Because people might die due to eliminating the Chemical Safety Board, but by god it won’t be done by one of them Messicans!

Talking about which, the Chief Justice of the California Supreme Court has demanded that ICE stop stalking California courts, claiming that ICE is intimidating Hispanic witnesses in ongoing criminal trials and causing a public safety hazard. ICE of course says basically “up yours, Ms. Judge, you’re not the boss of me!”. Just as Customs and Border Protection says to they don’t have to obey the NAFTA treaty that says registered nurses qualify for a TN visa and thus can keep out much-needed Canadian nurses because, well, they can. Even though NAFTA is still the law until officially repealed or renegotiated. But God-Emperor Donald the Trump’s administration doesn’t care about no steenkin’ law, it’s all defiant juvenile “you’re not the boss of me! I don’t have to follow your rules!”. Because Cheeto Mussolini says they can. So they do it.

Then there is the ongoing Nazi saga of Sebastian Gorka, who has been dodging allegations that he is a Nazi for weeks now. Well, today a Jewish news magazine published what they purport is evidence that he really is a genuine bona fide Nazi, forcing him to explicitly deny that he’s a Nazi. Except that if he was ever a member of that Hungarian Nazi Party, he is ineligible for immigration to the United States, and could be stripped of his citizenship and deported, just like that sad sack Nazi who’s about to be deported to Poland. Oops!

And on to the Russia front. No wonder Michael Flynn resigned — he was up to his ears in Russian dough.

Finally, I think we’ve found Donald Trump’s next Peace Corps head — a Mormon missionary who beat the crap out of two people who tried to hold him up in Brazil. Because Trump is defunding the Institute for Peace while giving the military more money because the only peace he believes in is the peace of the grave, and this is exactly the right man to enforce that peace.

And that’s this day’s dispatch from the Imperial States of America, where God-Emperor Donald the Trump’s regime of lawlessness and incompetence continues as it has for the past 56 days.

– Badtux the News Penguin

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