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Archive for the ‘conspiracy’ Category

I had someone mention “Agenda 21” today as part of some conspiracy theory. And that was pretty much my response: “Agenda 21? Is that similar to Area 51? Or Pier 1?”

He then replied: “I’m sorry, I can’t help you.”

And of course I immediately responded:

That’s okay. My tin foil hat fits closely, so I’m sure the mind control rays being beamed through the chemtrails aren’t affecting my body full of toxins like dihydrogen monoxide (which is *deadly*, thousands of people per year die from inhaling the stuff!).

Though I think what finally does me in will most likely be my cat. I swear he’s trying to kill me. Every time I try to go somewhere in my house, he’s underfoot trying to trip me….

Hey, do you think my cat could be a Russian agent?

Thus far no response.

Heh.

– Badtux the Poking-conspiracy-theorists Penguin

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Conspiracy fail

So the Jews run everything, huh?

There are less than 20 million Jews on the whole planet Earth, out of 9 billion people. If the conspiracy theorists are right about Jews running the planet, the other 8.98 billion people on the planet must be pretty darn lame. I mean, even the old Soviet Union needed more people like that to rule over only 200 million people. Surely 8.98 billion people would overturn the rule of 20 million people without a problem, right?

Or else the conspiracy theorists are full of sh*t. Which seems a *whole* lot more likely, doncha think?

– Badtux the Numbers Penguin

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Being a member of a secret society devoted to uncovering and publicizing the corruption of a certain corrupt politician isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. First of all, there’s the Fight Club rules — rule #1 of secret conspiracies is *don’t advertise that you’re part of a secret conspiracy*. Then there’s the code names that we have to all go by. I can never remember mine. Is it Xray Charley Zebra or is is Zebra Charley Xray? Then there’s the insane cackling. I’m no good at insane cackling. I practice in front of a mirror, but all I can manage is a demented chortle.

Then there’s the wages. Everybody’s always talking about Soros checks, but where’s mine? Sheesh! Talk about slave labor!

But I guess in these times, being part of a secret society is just one of the dues you pay for being a good citizen. After all, 3 million Americans (or more) are part of this secret society….

— Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Rick Perry tells protesters that fossil fuels are good because they prevent sexual assault.

Fossil fuels. Prevent sexual assault. Whuh…. what did I just read?

Uhm, Rick, Rick, Rick… it doesn’t work like that. Really, it doesn’t.

Meanwhile, Antifa supersoldiers are going to kill white people on November 4. Antifa. Supersoldiers. Presumably bred in the secret basements under the closed Walmart stores used for Jade Helm?

So apparently Donna Brazile discovered the smoking gun — a joint fundraising agreement that both Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders signed, which proves, PROVES I say, that DNC board member Donna Brazile has books to sell dammit. Also discovered: Debbie Wasserman Schultz did a shitty job as head of the DNC. And water is wet. Oh wait, the last wasn’t in the book. Pretty much the only obvious thing not in the book.

I swear, if I encounter one more piece of stupidity today, I’m going to snap and start biting the heads off of herring…

– Badtux the Fish-breathed Penguin

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I already pointed out that the unique labor demands of growing and picking cotton led to slavery being extremely profitable in the pre-Civil War South, to the point where slavery would have never died out naturally until the advent of herbicides and mechanical cotton picker machines in the 1950’s. I mentioned how slavery was continued somewhat in the sharecropping system that arose after the war, and the system of segregation that insured that blacks had little choice but to work in the fields or starve since they were blocked from most other jobs by the segregation regime. I also mentioned that my grandmother and grandfather on my mother’s side, both poor whites, were sharecroppers when they married, living in a one-room tar-paper shack with no indoor plumbing or electricity (the toilet was an outhouse) and working like dogs to grow and pick cotton, and how one of my mother’s least-favorite memories was picking cotton as a child.

So back to my question: Why are there so many uneducated poor white trash people in the South?

Well, it’s for the same reason that the South embraced segregation so heavily: by keeping most white people poor and uneducated, it meant that the Southern aristocracy could obtain cheap labor for their fields.

In short, Southern poverty was a deliberate decision of the Southern aristocrats who lost the military phase of the Civil War but won the peace afterwards. They deliberately organized their society so that schools beyond K-8 were too expensive for poor people. They deliberately kept industries that might have employed large numbers of poor whites in high paying jobs out of their states. It wasn’t until the mechanization of cotton production that desegregation could happen in the South, nobody dared push it before then because the South *would* have risen up again. It wasn’t until the surplus poor white population was no longer needed for cotton that industries like textiles and the auto industry were allowed to come to the South to employ the surplus poor white population, and the taxes to build good schools were never passed even then because educated people were a threat to the aristocracy.

The end result of that third world society — a sea of poverty and a small set of aristocrats on top — was that these states were poor. The aristocrats didn’t care. They could have had more money if they’d allowed the peasants to become prosperous and educated, but they cared more about being on top than about absolute wealth. It’s no surprise that in the 1960’s and 1970’s, as the power of the old Civil War descended aristocrats collapsed, the affluence of the South grew immensely. Even into the 1980’s, it seemed that the South was going to rejoin the rest of the United States.

Then progress stopped. Because a new aristocracy arose. An aristocracy that, like the old one, also was more interested in maintaining their power than in absolute wealth, though in many cases, like the Koch brothers of Oklahoma, they do have immense absolute wealth. And maintaining their power is easier with an uneducated populace. Thus the constant attempts to prohibit accurate teaching of biological science in Southern schools (modern biology simply cannot be explained without the theory of evolution), the prohibiting of teaching critical thinking skills in most Southern schools, and so forth. By keeping the poors stupid, ignorant, and superstitious, the poors don’t look up at their aristocrats and start measuring the aristocrats’ necks for nooses. By keeping the poors fixated on guns, gays, god, and godless Liberals, the poors don’t notice that the aristocrats have been fucking them up every goddamn orifice for the past two hundred forty fucking years.

All in all, it’s a nice scam. But it *has* required that they shut down prosperity again, which they’ve done via de-industrialization, replacing high-paying factory jobs with low-paying service jobs. Yet the rubes still haven’t caught on: their poverty isn’t accidental. It’s planned.

And the motherfuckers who planned it are getting away with it. Again. Because turns out that not only are the majority of Southerners ignorant, they’re also stupid, lacking the common sense to realize that it’s no accident that the Northeast and the West Coast are affluent and prosperous while they are mired in poverty…

So it goes. As it was, it is again, yessiree. When you have an entire class of people that benefits from keeping the majority poor and ignorant, only an idiot would blame liberals for that. But idiots are one thing not in short supply.

– Badtux the Economics Penguin

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I’d like to wake up just one day without opening the Google News web page and exclaiming, “that fuckhead Trump did WHAT today?!”. Today, alas, was such a day.

Canada’s Girl Scouts refuse to come to America. They’re afraid that CBP will keep some of their girls from crossing the border due to national origin or race, and additionally are concerned that their girls might be subjected to searches that would constitute sexual misconduct and result in prosecution in Canada. Yay, the Orange Racist Pussy Grabber’s policies helping the US economy, woot!

Muslim Ban II has been stayed by a court in Hawaii. There is essentially only one way to get in and out of Hawaii, and that is by aircraft. The state apparently argued that the ban was going to harm their tourism industry while providing no additional security. Well, yeah, that it will, just as it encouraged the Girl Guides to avoid the US.

So I understand that His Fraudulency Donald the Trump held a rally in Nashville today where he repeated his usual lies, where his acolytes saluted their God-Emperor with the salute with which he is most familiar, thanks to his neo-Nazi advisor. I have selected the best of the photographs of this event:

Trump Rally in Nashville

Horse soring was banned by law in 1970. That’s a cruel practice where horses are tortured in order to make them high-step. Regulations to enforce the ban have never been adequate though. That was fixed in the last few months of the Obama Administration but for some reason the final rule never got published in the Federal Register. The Trump Administration has now kept that regulation off the books for 55 days, refusing to enforce the law prohibiting soring. So let me get this state. When Obama refused to enforce the immigration law for young people who’d been brought here before 10 years of age and were law abiding, that was bad, according to the Republicans. But it’s okay if Trump does the same thing about animal cruelty? Well, at least some Republicans are calling BS on that too…

But of course it might not be malice, it might be simple incompetence. A friend of mine has recently received multiple inquiries to be hired by a federal agency that shall not be named at various of their locations as a seasonal worker. Apparently seasonal workers aren’t covered by the hiring ban, as long as it’s no more seasonal workers than were hired the previous year. He notes that the place he’d prefer to work isn’t hiring seasonal workers because, despite the hiring ban, somehow they’d managed to hire ten full-time workers. All we could do was shake our heads. None of the Trump appointees at the top in that department has the slightest idea what they’re doing, so all the underlings are running wild and doing whatever they want to do. The children shall play while the adults are away, and all that. Nobody gives a shit anymore, everybody figures they’re fucked anyhow so just do what they want. Apparently Bannon’s oft-stated goal of destroying the Federal government is well underway…

Trump advisor who contacted Russian hacker at least 16 times during 2016 campaign now claims that the CIA tried to kill him in a fake auto accident. Uhm, no. A typical Mafia ploy is the fake auto accident — hit the guy you want to off, get out and pretend you’re going to exchange insurance cards, but instead put a bullet between his eyes. If the CIA wanted Roger Stone dead, he would be dead. But hey, Alex Jones says it was an attempted assassination, so whatevs…

And finally, pointing out that our President is orange isn’t racist. Racism is where you are attacking someone for something they were born with, i.e., skin color, ethnicity, hair color, whatevs. As far as I know, the only thing ever born with orange skin grows on a tree and is used to make a tasty breakfast juice. Trump chose to be orange, he wasn’t born that way. And making fun of people’s stupid choices… isn’t that the American way? FREE-dum and all that?

– Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Under Biblical law, Alex Jones and pretty much half the right wing would be stoned to death for violating the 9th Commandment. What is the 9th Commandment? Simple:

“Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.”

There’s a reason for such a commandment: lies have consequences. And those consequences, sometimes, can be dangerous.

There’s a pizza place called Comet Ping Pong in Washington D.C. that was a favorite of the Clinton campaign staff. It seemed like half the emails in the hacked John Podesta emails were about ordering pizza from this pizza place. This presented a challenge to the pranksters at 4Chan — what kind of conspiracy could they build around his orders of pizza from this pizza place? And how silly could they make it before even Trumpsters said “Naw, that can’t be true”?

Answer: Pretty damned silly. They came up with a hashtag — #Pizzagate — and one of the most bizarre conspiracy theories to ever waft up from that sewer. It said that a pizza joint that a bunch of the Clinton staff ordered pizza from on a regular basis was actually part of a child sex abuse ring that had a torture dungeon under underneath (the pizza joint doesn’t even *have* a basement, it’s built on a slab). And that half the words in the pizza emails are actually code words arranging pedophile liaisons in that torture dungeon. Podesta orders pepperoni with black olives? That’s code for ordering up a black teenager for sex duty in the torture dungeon underneath this pizza place! (Which, remember, is built on a slab — it doesn’t have a basement, nevermind one outfitted as a torture dungeon).

Who would believe such a silly conspiracy? Well…. uhm…. seems like most of the Trump supporters, actually, including Alex Jones. And this dude, Edgar Welch. Who went into the restaurant with an AR-15 that he fired multiple shots from while inside the restaurant, demanding to be taken to the torture dungeon under the restaurant, and refusing to believe there wasn’t one even after he was taken to every single door and opening in the restaurant and shown there was no basement.

Gah, the stupid, it burns, it burns! And it has guns. We are so frickin’ screwed…

In this case, the consequences of violating the 9th Amendment is one very confused moron who will be spending a few months in jail. But there’s a reason why that Commandment is written into the Bible, and into pretty much every other holy book that’s ever been written. Lies have consequences. In this case, the consequences didn’t result in the loss of human life. But that’s this time What about next time?

People wonder why I get upset about lies and liars. This situation is a perfect example why. Lies have consequences — and in the worst case, those consequences are dead bodies. Somewhere else in the Bible, Jesus notes “the truth shall make you free.” Sometimes the truth isn’t what people want… but in the end, the truth is the only thing that can move you and humanity forward towards freedom and dignity. The truth is worth fighting for — even in these days, when nobody wants to know it.

– Badtux the Truth-seeking Penguin

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