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In a time of chimpanzees, I was a penguin

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Responsible gun owner shoots his nuts off

March 4, 2019 by badtux99

Yet another “responsible gun owner” shoots his nuts off. A headline that repeats on a regular basis.

This dude’s first mistake was in buying a Hi-Point 9mm pistol. From a review, talking about its accuracy: “Should you try to fire toward your opponent and hope the round doesn’t stray into a crowd, and that the loud noise scares away your attacker? Or do you just drop the magazine and throw the thing at them? If you have a pretty good arm, I wouldn’t discount the second option. It might be your best bet.”

Accompanied by a bench test sheet showing that if you shoot for his head, you’re more likely to hit his testacles. I have never seen a bench test so terrible as what this reviewer got from the Hi-Point 9mm. This wasn’t a pattern. This was random chance that he hit the target at all — at nearly point blank range, with a pistol sighted in on the target in a bench vise!

Makes you wonder if this dude was trying to commit suicide, and managed to hit his balls instead :).

– Badtux the Snarky Gun Penguin

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Posted in assholes, guns, stupidity | 16 Comments

16 Responses

  1. on March 4, 2019 at 3:24 pm brucedesertrat

    Well, maybe he can start carrying in the front now that he shot his dick off, and go all-in on the penis-substitute thing.


    • on March 4, 2019 at 3:26 pm badtux99

      PFTTT! Dude. I just sputtered drink all over my keyboard :).


  2. on March 4, 2019 at 3:39 pm montag

    Under Indiana’s new Right To Your Life law I hear they will prosecute him for the murder of all those thousands of sperm,


    • on March 4, 2019 at 4:17 pm badtux99

      Well of course. Every sperm is sacred. 🙂


  3. on March 4, 2019 at 4:38 pm Comrade Misfit

    He appears to have two felony convictions. Which means that he could not legally possess a gun and he may be going away for quite some time.


    • on March 4, 2019 at 4:59 pm badtux99

      Yep. Just amused that there’s an actual term used by gunnies to describe this syndrome of people shooting themselves with guns shoved into their waistband though — “Glock leg”. Though in this case it’s his third leg, LOL. (And yes, I know a Highpoint 9mm technically does have an external safety, unlike a Glock. I also know that most people who see it assume it’s just the slide lock — it must be the lamest safety on the planet).


  4. on March 4, 2019 at 10:42 pm Bukko Boomeranger

    Accuracy schmaccuracy! The people who buy such popguns aren’t doing it for precision shooting. They’re doing it because of how it makes them FEEL. They feel POWERFUL, like they were GODS in human flesh, because they have the ability to dispense DEATH! (As long as they’re holding the pistol directly against the side of their murder victim’s head. And it doesn’t misfire.) The he-man macho types like to think they’re cold-hearted rational killing machines, but they’re actually a bunch of emotionally driven pussies who are scared shitless of imaginary black people, criminals and government goons. They’re too old for security blankets, so they substitute firearms. Whiney-arse crybabies…

    This dickless* wonder doesn’t qualify for a Darwin Award because he’s still alive, but he should get some derivative of it because with luck, he did enough damage to his gonads so that he won’t be passing on any more genetic material.

    *(I’m sure his dick is still intact. Doctors do wonderful work at preserving parts. If there’s any justice, the fuckwit will be a Trump voter who doesn’t have health insurance and the hospital billing department will take him for every cent he owns until he winds up living in a van down by the river.)


  5. on March 5, 2019 at 5:32 am Mike’s Blog Round Up – Happy Mardi Gras! – Fake News Matters

    […] today is not merely Mardi Gras, but gun goof Tuesday. From Badtux the Snarky Penguin: “Responsible gun owner shoots his nuts off”. Try to restrain your […]


  6. on March 5, 2019 at 7:49 am basenjibrian

    Bukko: did you happen to catch the New York Times Magazine article on Michelle Bobbit the other week (I assume the Times reaches the far off Antipodean shores), 🙂

    She has made quite a career for herself. The ex, not so much!


    • on March 5, 2019 at 12:17 pm Bukko Boomeranger

      I saw the headline (the NYT is one of the sites I scan regularly, and by viewing it on a browser where I regularly erase the cookies, I can read unlimited stories for free in spite of the Times’ paywall limits) but I didn’t bother with the article. That was 1990s news and I didn’t consider the follow-up to be worth the time it would take me to read it. Her first name was Lorena, BTW. “Michelle” was Obama’s wife. Some type of Freudian slip there, B?

      John Bobbitt DID have something of a career after being dick-whacked. He was cast in several porn flicks as a novelty. I bought a few VHS porno tapes in the 90s (until I got hitched and my wife made me throw them out) and I remember seeing promos that revealed glimpses of John’s shrivelled, blackened penis. (Never ordered one, because ewwwww…) As I recall, he was a sleazebag in several ways, aside from beating and raping his wife. Getting to cavort with pornwhores was probably a great gig for John, although I’m sure he would have preferred to miss all that and have an uncut cock if given a choice.


  7. on March 5, 2019 at 9:01 am Drunk at idrunk.com » Blog Archive » Mike’s Blog Round Up – Happy Mardi Gras!

    […] Newsparently today is not merely Mardi Gras, but gun goof Tuesday. From Badtux a Snarky Penguin: “Responsible gun owner shoots his nuts off”. Try to restrain your […]


  8. on March 5, 2019 at 1:34 pm CenterPuke88

    “A 46-year-old man accidentally shot himself in a genital Thursday”

    Questions: Just how many reproductive tracts does this gentleman have? When did WISH stop proofing copy? Just what was the writer thinking?


  9. on March 5, 2019 at 5:25 pm basenjibrian

    LOL. Not sure how I made that mistake.


  10. on March 7, 2019 at 3:34 am CenterPuke88

    So, the story is missing a little detail to determine the effectiveness of a 9mm. I mean, if they saved his junk, the 9mm highlights its relative ineffectiveness. Now, if we had the hard data, we’d know if a 9 can do the job, or if a .40 Slow and Weak or a .45 is a better choice. I suspect a .357 magnum would be stiff competition, but a 10mm or .44 magnum would probably blow the competition away.


    • on March 7, 2019 at 1:39 pm Bukko Boomeranger

      “Hard” “stiff” “blow” — I see what you did there… snerk-snerk-snerk


  11. on March 7, 2019 at 8:01 am basenjibrian

    On a related note, the local D.A. in Oakland decided not to charge the cops who gunned down a homeless dude. He was sleeping in an alley WITH A GUN ON HIS LAP. I agree that our Popo are far too quick to shoot, but….not sure about this one. And there is countervailing testimony from alternative video. I don’t trust the police, but there are a lot of nutty armed people out there, too????



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