As we all know, Donald Trump’s best buddy and pal is Vladimir Putin, who, as documented by the CIA, hacked the election to help Donald Trump win the presidency. So now Trump is going to be addressing Social Security and Medicare and keeping them going in the future. How? Well, that’s simple: He’s going to use the Russian solution.
See, in Russia, they don’t have a problem with oldies 65 and older using up all their health care and sucking all their rubles for pensions. ‘Cause the average age that white men die in Russia is 65, and the women aren’t far behind. Vodka and drugs, drugs and vodka, and a lack of health insurance for dealing with the effects of vodka and drugs… man, oldies are croaking left and right in Russia.
So all Trump has to do is replicate the Russian experiment. Congress has already started, by wiping out a critical part of the Obamacare program by failing to budget money owed to insurers under Obamacare and thus forcing insurers to hike rates by an enormous amount in 2016. This has caused most insurers to drop out of the exchange markets for 2016. And easy access to opioids has led to massive declines in lifespan for white males in red states. Now all we have to do is fund easy access to vodka. Vodka trucks on every street corner! Vodka served to children with their school lunches! Vodka for breakfast! Vodka for lunch! Vodka for dinner! Free vodka! And at the same time, cut off food stamps for nutritious food and make sure that more and more people’s lives are miserable with only vodka and opioids to make it bearable.
And within a decade, we, too, shall achieve a Russian solution to our Medicare and Social Security issues. When our average lifespan hits 65 like in Russia in the early 1990’s, we can get Dim Son to find his old Mission Accomplished banner, string it up over an aircraft carrier again, and fly Donald Trump in on a gold-plated F-35 fighter jet. Oh wait, they’re single-seat fighters. Hey, maybe we could gold-plate a C-130 and land that on a carrier again…
– Badtux the Snarkhy Penguin